Growing apart can be a friendship’s natural evolution ditto for lovers, an even touchier discourse. Sometimes the best course is to let someone go, even if you were once close. The good ones shouldn’t feel like a chore on your to-do list, or that one side is doing all the communicating). (Here’s a good test: How many of your Facebook friends are real? If you’ve met someone once and now they’re on your feed for life, get rid of them! If a friendship feels like too much work, maybe it is. The pace of modern life makes it hard enough to maintain real life friendships it’s impossible to actually be friends with everyone you’re supposedly simpatico with online. “Third wave is the heavyweight, when you’ve entered a sexual relationship and you leave, blindsiding the other.” Midweight is when you’ve met a person a handful of times and you engage in deep avoidance, which hurts their feelings more. “There are different levels of ghosting,” said Wendy Walsh, a psychology professor named one of Time’s 2017 people of the year for her whistle blowing that helped promote the #MeToo movement. Last week, my sister and I got in an argument and her boyfriend didn’t text me back - a micro-ghost move. We’ve all probably been ghosted, too, though sometimes we probably didn’t notice. We’ve all probably acted like this if we’re honest. A ghost is a specter, something we think is there but really isn’t. Most of us think about it in the context of digital departure: a friend not responding to a text, or worse, a lover, but it happens across all social circumstances and it’s tied to the way we view the world.Īsking for a beverage and then jetting may not seem equal to ditching an unwanted romance, but it’s really the same behavior. Ghosting - when someone cuts off all communication without explanation - extends to all things, it seems. Why would someone order a drink and disappear? The latte remained at the counter, the barista calling his name over and over. Our drinks arrived at the same time and I picked up mine, added sugar, sat, sipped. “For here,” he mumbled, then shook his head. “Whole milk,” he said before changing to half and half, then almond milk. The gentleman in line in front of me - mid-40s, suit, bad haircut - ordered a latte. Something strange happened at the coffee shop the other day.
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